El reposo de los utensilios

Cerveza y política

Historias en 40 caracteres

The Guardian desafió a veintiún escritores conocidos a ensayar relatos que pudieran expresarse en un tweet, es decir, sin pasar de cuarenta caracteres. Transcribimos el resultado de dicho reto:

 

Geoff Dyer

 

I know I said that if I lived to 100 I'd not regret what happened last night. But I woke up this morning and a century had passed. Sorry.

 

James Meek

 

He said he was leaving her. "But I love you," she said. "I know," he said. "Thanks. It's what gave me the strength to love somebody else."

 

Jackie Collins

 

She smiled, he smiled back, it was lust at first sight, but then she discovered he was married, too bad it couldn't go anywhere.

 

Ian Rankin

 

I opened the door to our flat and you were standing there, cleaver raised. Somehow you'd found out about the photos. My jaw hit the floor.

 

Blake Morrison

 

Blonde, GSOH, 28. Great! Ideal mate! Fix date. Tate. Nervous wait. She's late. Doh, just my fate. Wrong candidate. Blond – and I'm straight.

 

David Lodge

 

"Your money or your life!" "I'm sorry, my dear, but you know it would kill me to lose my money," said the partially deaf miser to his wife.

 

AM Homes

 

Sometimes we wonder why sorrow so heavy when happiness is like helium.

 

Sophie Hannah

 

I had land, money. For each rejected novel I built one house. Ben had to drown because he bought Plot 15. My 15th book? The victim drowned.

 

Andrew O'Hagan

 

Clyde stole a lychee and ate it in the shower. Then his brother took a bottle of pills believing character is just a luxury. God. The twins.

 

AL Kennedy

 

It's good that you're busy. Not great. Good, though. But the silence, that's hard. I don't know what it means: whether you're OK, if I'm OK.

 

Jeffrey Archer

 

"It's a miracle he survived," said the doctor. "It was God's will," said Mrs Schicklgruber. "What will you call him?" "Adolf," she replied.

 

Anne Enright

 

The internet ate my novel, but this is much more fun #careerchange #nolookingback oh but #worldsosilentnow Hey!

 

Patrick Neateur

 

profile pic: happy – smiling & smoking. ur last post: "home!" ur hrt gave out @35. ur profile undeleted 6 months on. ur epitaph: "home!"

 

Hari Kunzru

 

I'm here w/ disk. Where ru? Mall too crowded to see. I don't feel safe. What do you mean you didn't send any text? Those aren't your guys?

 

SJ Watson

 

She thanks me for the drink, but says we're not suited. I'm a little "intense". So what? I followed her home. She hasn't seen anything yet.

 

Helen Fielding

 

OK. Should not have logged on to your email but suggest if going on marriedaffair.com don't use our children's names as password.

 

Simon Armitage

 

Blaise Pascal didn't tweet and neither did Mark Twain. When it came to writing something short & sweet neither Blaise nor Mark had the time.

 

Charlie Higson

 

Jack was sad in the orphanage til he befriended a talking rat who showed him a hoard of gold under the floor. Then the rat bit him & he died.

 

India Knight

 

Soften, my arse. I'm a geezer. I'm a rock-hard little bastard. Until I go mushy overnight for you, babe. #pears

 

Jilly Cooper

 

Tom sent his wife's valentine to his mistress and vice versa. Poor Tom's a-cold and double dumped.

 

Rachel Johnson

 

Rose went to Eve's house but she wasn't there. But Eve's father was. Alone. One thing led to another. He got 10 years.

Polusión

Ante la asombrosa y notoria coloración de los gases que expedía un camión de transporte público sobre la avenida Magdalena, paralela a Insurgentes, en lo que creo es la Colonia del Valle de la Ciudad de México, decidí tomar video del mismo, para mi sorpresa, al comenzar de nuevo el arranque del autobus dejó de expedirlos en las cantidades "industriales" que lo venía haciendo, sin embargo lo que resultó sigue siendo criticable. Interrumpí al estar cerca de chocar por el lado derecho por andar de "cortometrista".

Steve Jobs presenta a Macintosh

Juegos de patriotas

De conformidad con el análisis del cuarteto conocido como The Gregory Brothers, célebres por su creación de videos virales, la estrategia adecuada en tiempos de campaña eñectoral en Estados Unidos requiere de la utilización de un discurso que repita machaconamente tantas frases y lugares comunes "positivos" como sea posible, observando las siguientes reglas prácticas para obtener los mayores puntos favorables en el ánimo del electorado:

1. promesas generales respecto al promisorio futuro de la nación
2. generar la convicción de que el candidato cree en los Estados Unidos
3. referencias a la unidad nacional
4. rendir tributo al "indomable espíritu" de la gente
5. mencionar anécdotas que traten de establecer lazos de empatía con los votantes

El resultado del seguimiento generalizado de estas directrices por los partidos políticos es que los discursos de los candidatos terminan por guardar una gran semejanza, como lo muestran en el video que se adjunta.

María Kodama sobre Borges